Did you know there are at least 4 ways to approach disagreements?

I am Kelly Wilkins the Executive Area Manager with Arbonne, and I love to share my journey and tips and tricks I pick up along the way with you. It's all about personal development. This the second part of a two-part series, last week I looked at the 7-step process to handle any conversation. This article will be a continuation and focuses on how to handle disagreements.

Let me introduce myself to those who do not know me. I started this journey 14 years ago. A friend called me and said Kelli you must try this skincare. I said, “nope, I am fine, thank you very much” and she said “It's free”, and I went “I love free! Sure”. I tried the amazing skincare from Arbonne. At the time I was so happy that I did because I was starting to notice the wrinkles around my eyes and was thinking oooh crumsyonsy. I had just been married 1 year to Simon who is 7 years younger than me and needed something to look younger.

So, after I did my research, I loved what the company stands for especially Woman Empowerment. That part really drew me in. The personal development side of this business has been a lifesaver for me. As I get older, I love who I am becoming. It's all thanks to the support I am getting and it's all because of this company. I don’t know about any other business or workplace that promotes personal development as this one does. That’s why I do these talks every Thursday night so that you can glean a bit of the journey I am on and maybe I can pass something on that can be of benefit for you.

One of the areas that I continue to work on is communication and talking to people. If you are anything like me, you find disagreement uncomfortable. What do you do when you come up with a situation when you do not really agree with the other person? I often go into silent disagreement…that is “MMM Ahah yeah”, but in my head, I go Nah not at all. How is this a problem? It doesn’t allow the other person to get to know you. When I go into silent disagreement, I lose an opportunity for the other person to get to know me. Understanding my needs and who I am as a person and really having that diversity – that is what the world is about having that diversity. Allowing there to be differences without it being a problem.

However, you might be the other type of person who finds no problem with disagreement and saying exactly what you mean. Sometimes you put people offside without even noticing it, or sometimes you might find you have upset somebody. This article is all about having a disagreement without all the confrontation. There are ways to put your point across without the drama.

There are 4 methods to handle disagreement are:

· Casual Disagreement

· Playful Disagreement

· Direct Disagreement

· Information gatherer

This comes all credit is due to the book: NOT NICE Dr Aziz Gazipura. It is one of those books that I am constantly referring, rereading and reference back to.

If you are casually disagreeing – most people find this is part of everyday conversation - it is about letting people know you don’t agree or what your preference is. Typically, this could be someone saying they saw a movie and loved it, and you say “no I didn’t like it all – it's not my cup of tea at all” If you find that easy to do – you should. We should be ok about sharing what is important to us.

If the conversation is about getting chocolate ice cream and you really don’t like chocolate ice cream you could casually disagree by saying you don’t like it and then stating your preference in a non-threatening manner. It could sound something like “Yeah chocolate ice cream can be nice, but I prefer vanilla”. Let It just be there.

In casual conversations or interactions notice if you are holding back. Allow yourself to share what is important to you, and let it be ok.

Playful disagreement is when you state that you disagree in a playful manner. It involves being playful but through your body language, voice, and tone. Without seeing body language, or facial expression the caution is that it could come out sarcastic. An example could be when Someone in a meeting was constantly interrupting, my playful response was “Are you going to do that the whole way?” Smiling and tilting my head.

Direct Disagreement is when you really need to speak up to get your point across when someone directly disagrees with you. This involves things that are important to you and steering the outcome of a meeting. It is not the time to be playful or casual. Before you speak up you need to decide what you want to get out. Remember people don’t want to be wrong, they want to be right. People seldom freely admit that they are wrong, and you are right.

Sometimes we need to show our ideas side by side. If we can eliminate making someone wrong, they are more likely to listen to your point of view. We need to be powerful, congruent and be in authority in what we have to say.

I would use this in a meeting with my peers or with my boss it could sound something like: “I understand that you feel about it, but I feel that we need to explore another way.” It's about acknowledging that you heard them.

Information gathering (my forte) is where we ask questions to learn more and prompt the person to uncover the answers for themselves. Whilst direct confrontation happens easily between my husband and me, it would cause confrontation with my daughter.

I am naturally an information gatherer – I want to understand without having to be direct. It softens and they can be open to a new idea. For example, my daughter may ask “Can I go out tonight?” I would respond “how many times have you been out this week already?” Prompting her to recognise that she has been out a lot.

In business, it might sound like “what do you think we need to get that result – they answer. You answer with how will we accomplish that? Flesh it out so they can uncover where the pitfalls may be.

I would love to hear from you – what are your scenarios that have come up that you feel like you need help in this area.

If reading is not your thing join me on a Thursday night where discuss What Woman Want – here is the link:

https://www.facebook.com/events/270274301361706